Issues with father, wedding and college.. need advice?

By | December 12, 2015

This is something that I’ve really been struggling with for the past few days. Here’s the situation: I decided about 2 months ago that I was going to go to college (I’m 21 years old). My dad was excited about it and he offered to pay. My fiance proposed to me about a month later. I said yes (obviously), and my dad agreed to also pay for the wedding in June 2010. I work part time, I would be going to school full time and planning a wedding at the same time. So, I’m thinking that my life wouldnt be as hectic if I decided to take the same courses for college online. My dad has already put a deposit down on our wedding hall. I’m afraid that if I tell him that I want to take classes online that he’ll freak out. My dad is the type of person where he thinks that his word is “god’s word” and that he’s never wrong no matter what.

I want to try to explain to him that if I take classes online that it’ll be the same exact degree and the same amount of work. I’m an adult, I can make my own decisions. But I’m afraid that he’ll get his deposit back from the wedding hall if I tell him that I’m going to take classes online.

What can I say to him to make him trust that I’m doing the right thing? My father and I have always had communication problems. We butt heads when we fight because we’re so alike. We both always think that we’re right all the time…

How should I handle this situation?

Also, last time I asked a question in this section, I received very rude comments about how “you father shouldnt be paying for your wedding at all”. If you’re going to make a comment like that, then dont answer. My dad wants to pay for our wedding.
Entitled –
I am not acting like a spoiled brat. I want to make sure that I have time for everything without wanting to kill myself. I dont care if other people would kill to be in my place. They’re not. And that’s not my fault. So, basically what you’re saying is that me taking online classes is being a child? Grow up.
the online classes will be with the same college that I was going to physically go to. It’s the same degree, same classes and everything, only i’d be taking it online with the same college.
My father will object to online classes because he thinks that I need a “college experience”. I do not need a college experience. The college I chose is a community college so it’s basically like being in high school all over again. I do not need to be in class with 18 year old girls. All they care about is getting messed up and what boy they’re hooking up with. I don’t want that drama in my life.

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15 thoughts on “Issues with father, wedding and college.. need advice?

  1. entitledtoanopinion

    Your father is paying for your wedding because you indicated that you were a big girl now. He also paid for your college assuming that you would be focusing on your education like a big girl. This isn”t being rude, it’s being factual. Planning a wedding is not a full time job. If it were, wedding planners would only be able to do one or two a year! You get wedding planning books, make lists, make decisions, book the important venues and services right away and then it is very easy. Most brides either go to school full time or work full time and they manage to plan their weddings along with the stress of student loans and part-time jobs. you have it on easy street and yet you are already making excuses to semi-drop-out of college. I’m betting that there are hundreds of girls who would kill for your position so pull up those big girl panties, stop acting like a spoiled brat and get to those classes!

  2. Harley's Bombshell

    If he really wants to pay, then he will feel the same way after you tell him of your plans to go to school on line. And if he doesn’t this is an excellent opportunity to start being an adult.

  3. D

    I have the same type of father so I know how you feel.
    If you really want to do online courses you have to be determined to put time aside to do them. It’s not the same as attending a school. Like me, if you are a procrastinator, you will leave every assignment to the last minute – not wise!
    You may be able to attend college part-time instead of full-time.

    If you have your mind set, I would prepare all your points that you want to discuss to your dad ahead of time. Explain all the pros and cons and explain that the pros outway the cons. If you explain that you have a plan and are prepared to work hard, I think you dad might realize that you really are grown up and mihgt be ok with your decision.

  4. jenn

    Your question doesn’t say why you think your Dad will react that way.. has he said before that he disagrees with online classes? Really my guess would be if he has a problem with you taking classes online it’d be paying for the classes that he wouldn’t help out with, not the wedding.

    Realistically though if he’s happy about you going to school and trying to support you in that I doubt he’d not pay for your wedding because you picked online classes.

  5. Kristy

    I would check your priorities. Your education should come first, not your wedding planning. Taking classes online is not the same as being in the classroom, trust me. I would nix that idea. Online classes are a joke. If you want a serious education, put it first. I am in school working on my second degree, working full time and planning a wedding and it is not easy but it is not difficult if you are organized. I go to work 9 to 5 and school 6 to 10. I use my mornings and weekends to plan and make preparations. If you give yourself enough time to plan (at least a year) then you can do both – go to school and plan a wedding. I would expect that you can do both and I would surmise that you value your education enough to put it first.

    Good luck!

  6. leslie

    Have your facts in order before you approach your father concerning the online classes. If possible, print out available material and present it to him to read first hand and advise him that you will receive the same accreditation online as on campus.

    I seriously doubt that your father will be able to recoup the deposit anyway, contractually speaking. Good luck and congratulations on your continuing education and engagement.

  7. April

    Why do you have to tell him? Just enroll in a couple regular classes and then a couple online classes.
    If he finds out and askes why just tell him that they were only offering the class online and you wanted to finish your schooling as soon as possible so you can work full time. If he decides not to pay for the wedding because of that than you will have to accept it.
    You never know until you talk with him about it. Right now you are thinking the worst.
    You could always avoid the stress and try to pay for the wedding yourself. A lot of couples do that now a days. Your dad paying for everything means that he has a say in everything; which means he is in control of everything – you are going to be married and be your own women; at some point he has to let go of a little bit of control. Or, you can take the control away from him by paying…
    It’s hard when it comes to dealing with parents. Did you see what Tori Spelling had to deal with when it came to her first wedding? Her mother was paying for it; therefore she controlled everything – the time, the date, the location, etc. Read her book Stori Telling – you might rethink having your father pay for the wedding after you see what she went through. LOL
    Don’t worry – things will work out. Did you ever see the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding? In the movie she wants to get a job at the travel agency – the mom says that they have to make the dad think that it is his idea, then he will go along with it. If you can figure out a way to do that with your father and online classes then it might work – this way he stills feels he is in control.

  8. Luv2Answer

    I don’t understand why you can’t go to classes in person. You act like planning a wedding is a full or even a part time job. Once the big things are booked there isn’t much to do. I know people who worked full-time, went to school, raised kids and planned a wedding and lived to tell about it. I think you are too worked up about the wedding planning.

  9. lalala

    Taking courses online is a great alternative if you have a lot going on in your life. Before you discuss it with your father, you should make a list why it will be easier/better for you to take your classes online. That way you know what you are going to say (and how he might respond), which could stop any discussion from escalating into a fight.

    You can also look online to see when the classes you wanted/need to take would be if you wanted to attend in person. There is always a chance that even if you wanted to attend in person, your work schedule might not allow it.

  10. diamondcollector

    why are you rocking the apple cart? don’t be stupid and create problems!

  11. Invisigoth

    are the online classes with the same college you are enrolled in? Then there shouldn’t be an issue. some classes are online and you do them at your pace as long as you meet your deadlines. other classes will be in person.

    so long as you are at the same school you told him you would be at and you are taking the classes that are approved for your degree there shouldn’t be an issue of how you take the classes.

    if you are taking the classes through a different school than you told him you would be, then he has the right to question whether or not that is the best school for you to attend and whether or not that is the best use of his money.

    You haven’t posted any reason why you think he would object to online classes, so I don’t understand why there would be an issue or why you think there would be an issue.

  12. DigitalDiva

    First of all, let me tell you my experience with taking courses online – I swear the same courses online are twice as difficult as taking them in class! I just finished my University degree a few months ago, and one semester I took several courses on line rather than going to the school – thinking I could work while taking classes. I only had three courses compared to my usual five or six course load when I took them at the University. Well, I had an easier time working while I was taking the six classes at school! People told me it was harder to take them online, and that it is hard to make yourself focus and get the work done and make time to do everything, but I figured since I am a very organized and hard working person, it would be just fine. Well those three online courses took more effort out of me than six at school. And it wasn’t just the fact that I had to push myself to sit down several hours a day and do the work, but it was more difficult in general for me to learn online only without a teach presenting the material to me, plus the additional textbook reading. Of course, it depends on the classes you are taking, but some of mine were very difficult for me to get everything I could out of the material we were given. Plus, it seemed to be much more expensive.

    As for the wedding planning while in school, my fiance proposed to me while I was in my final year of University. We planned right away to wait until a year after I had graduated for the wedding, so we had time to save up after I had started working full time upon graduating with my degree. But despite our 1.5 year engagement, I was eager to start planning right away. I was lucky I had plenty of time, because it was hard to get much planning done while in school! However, I think if it would have been necessary to get it all planned while a student, I could have managed with much help from my bridesmaids. My friend got married right after graduating a couple years ago and had to plan her wedding in about three months due to her husband being in the military and moving soon after the wedding. She was fortunate to have very helpful bridesmaids who helped her get it all organized while she was busy writing and studying for her exams.

    As for telling your father, it’s true that the online courses get you the same degree as the in class ones. But I strongly believe you get more out of it by going to class. I urge you to reconsider your decision to take online courses so you can plan your wedding. With a full year to make the arrangements, the planning process shouldn’t be as stressful as it was for my friend who only had those three months. If you get a good start on it now before your classes start, you will be fine.

  13. 4REEE

    Is there a way you can get your girlfriends to help you with the planning? That would make things less hectic for you.

    If he decides to pull the money from the hall, it’s probably for the best. It sounds like the more he pays the more control he will exert on you regarding wedding plans and details.

    I think you should consider saving every penny you can to pay for your own wedding and that way you and your fiance will have total control.

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  14. happy (:

    You will not be earning the exact same degree from an online school. Employers do not treat the degree as the same. Go to a real college and find out if you can take any of your courses online, (yes they offer that) then it will be OK, but do not go to an online school.

    Also planning a wedding is not that hard that you will be unable to juggle school, a job, & wedding planning. (I did all three while caring for an infant.)

  15. Anonymous

    “I’m an adult, I can make my own decisions. But I’m afraid that he’ll get his deposit back from the wedding hall if I tell him that I’m going to take classes online.”

    Adults make their own decisions. This is true and I agree with you on that completely.
    However, adults also pay for the cost of those decisions.
    Married adults who are truly grown up also don’t rely on mommy and daddy to pay their way. Letting dad pay for the wedding is fine and good – great that he has the resources at his disposal to do that for you – but allowing him to continue to support you after you are married is a huge mistake. Mark my words, if you do that, he will meddle in your financial affairs with your husband, and there will be trouble. Your financial business, once you get married, should be between you and your husband and you should keep your commitments to each other. You and your husband should pay your way through life, work things through, and make decisions together. Unless a major catastrophe comes, you choose to rely on each other – not mom and dad – once you get married.

    If you don’t, can’t, or refuse to understand the thinking behind this concept, then you’re not emotionally ready for marriage.

    Pay your own way through life and you’ll be a better person.

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